onward
May 15, 2012 Leave a comment
it takes alot of guts and conscious thought to get used to the fact that i am currently on a part-time work mode. at least for me. i am very used to full time work and somehow, i have been conditioned by society and my family to think that working part time is not ‘proper’. … which brings me to the question, why do i feel that way when i don’t have to? it’s a puzzling thing, some days, i get anxious about my ‘next steps’ and somehow i feel compelled to come up with a plan and a schedule. and i realise after a while, once again, why do i feel this way? i am on the path to revamp abit of my life, and think about what i really want to do for the next decade… so on that perspective, (and in my bestie’s words) what does a few months mean as compared to a decade or even longer time frame? why do i constantly feel the need to come up with a decision and a plan and a schedule and set myself on a path as certain as a rock? why can’t i let live abit more, breathe my life with a little more ease and explore abit of my world? i am learning everyday, trying to live it up and honestly, i am making headways and i do feel a sense of myself being more alive. and the irony? i am busier than when i am on full time work, simply because i am still jetting in between work and meetings. busy yes, but i feel freer. that i know i can decide on my own life as it is. what comes along, i don’t know yet but i have enough faith to know things will work themselves out. i am glad my folks and lovely friends give me their full support. we all have to go through changes in life, and i am just glad that my time is now. there are alot of hard questions i need to answer but it’s really about time to face my own answers and live through them. like char said, ‘everyone goes through these questions, it’s what you do with them that matter.’ so apt. afterall, truth within yourself is never easy to search for. i have some colleagues (ex soon) telling me they admire my courage to take the plunge and do something about it. honestly, i don’t think it’s courageous at all. it’s just a necessary step. i can’t keep denying i am happy (or was happy) doing what i was doing back then. and i am someone who cannot ignore unhappiness, whether it’s myself or with someone i care about.
i learnt that i rather be kind to someone than to be right.. and i learnt that nothing makes me happier than knowing i put in my best and my efforts are recognised. i learnt that i don’t hanker for fame or the next luxury stuff, but really, just a honest living with good means to provide for my books, travels, cider, and of course, my bunny and parents. i learnt that i don’t need passionate love to begin with, but just him who is kind, stable, make sense, and can connect (oh that elusive word).
thank you sping, wg, danny, gneo and soon to be wifey, ‘bob marley’, char, sally, my lovely folks, my bunny (who sits down with me on some nights), wendy, sherlyn, joy, chek, jem and ken for their ears and support.
family and friends, you are the best.
